Creative but creeeeepy.(via cuemyqueue)
Humans need a certain level of stress in order to function. It’s what motivates us, and drives us to exceed our limitations and get shit done. If you don’t have enough stress, you’re going to be unmotivated and have no desire to do anything. If you have too much stress, your brain and body start to shut down.
Maybe the key to life is approaching every situation in a way that keeps stress levels in that “sweet spot”.
I feel like I’ve lost control over my own life. I feel like I’m just being pulled along.
And the worst part is that seizing back control is completely within my abilities, but I’m just not focused enough.
I just had an amazing dream, that I actually remembered. It was similar to the story of Deadman Wonderland.
But…it was beautiful. Everything about my dream was beautiful. And I haven’t dreamt in a long time.
I made an 8 minute voice memo the very moment I woke up, I’ll transcribe it later. I feel so…at peace.
I guess I never really realized it till being put in this position. Anyone who believes that there’s an extremely easy work to reward ratio(reward being free housing) is extremely mistaken. There is so much that goes into this job, and so much influence that RAs exert on their residents, and most of it goes unnoticed.
I’m probably spending over 15+hours a day during this training week, dedicated to doing things related to this job. Dayumn.
Despite all that though, I really love it. I love making a difference.
But I need to stop wearing my emotions on my sleeve in real life. I over-do things a lot, maybe to get a reaction, maybe for the attention, maybe for other peoples’ benefit(which is what I keep telling myself). If I look at myself now, I wouldn’t call myself “mature”. Which is funny, because back in middle school, that was the most important thing to be. I’ve lost sight of that, it reflects on some of my actions, and I’m going down a path that I don’t think I want to go down.
Sounds a bit overdramatic, but I’m hyper-attentive to how I carry myself in real life.
And…the atmosphere completely changed for me. It sounds really…newbie of me, but I’m really sad. One of those sadnesses where you just want to go and take a long nap to get your mind off it all.
Maaaan I get way to emotionally attached to these things ;_;