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Time to vent

I was giving a campus tour today, when a bunch of guys in a group wearing shirts and ties went by and started booing and cursing at the families.

I initially wanted to curse them out. And then I decided that instead, I should just sit back and hope that they mature later on in life.

But fuck that. They can all go get fucked.

You’re in fucking college. You’re 20 fucking years old, and you’re acting like a 13 year old shithead. And the thing that bothers me most is that if you took any of these guys individually, every single one of them would be too fucking cowardly to pull some shit like that. But the moment they all get together in a big group, NOW they have confidence to act like a fucking piece of shit?

Fucking pussies. I’m going to make a psychological assessment and assume you derive your confidence from abandoning your individuality and blending in with your shitty group. And then instead of using that new found confidence to do good, you’re just going to act like a fuck and then giggle about it with each other afterwards.

Well you know what? I guess I really do hope you all grow up eventually and learn better. But if you get mugged, beat up, emotionally scarred, physically marred, etc. in the process, I guess I’m cool with that too.

I dont like to ever wish ill on other people.

But fuck all of you.

I think my fear of being disliked is holding me back

I understand that I’m surrounded by friends and family who love me dearly. But I still get anxious when I make decisions that could potentially result in someone else disliking me, especially authoritative figures like professors and doctors and other professionals.

There’s a constant battle within me, since I want to remain kind and nice to everyone I meet. I feel good when others feel good. But more importantly, I feel good when others like me.

It sounds like a childish problem to have. I know it’s not though. Maybe I should follow in my mom’s footsteps, since she’s someone who will start a fight with the whole fucking world, if it’s not giving her what she wants and feels like she deserves. I’m getting sick of my obedience to my own social paralysis.

/rusty writing, relevant issue

Just quit my research

After hearing that the head doctor running the study has a really bad impression of me, after several lapses on my part, I felt like this was the right option.

I don’t know if this is an honest realization of my limitations, or if I’m just running away though.

Vlogging doesn’t work with shitty hotel room upload speed

But! No excuses, I derped up, but I guess I’ll write down some updates.

First off, I can’t vlog myself ditching Melissa and laughing for an hour. I have too much of a conscience.

Secondly, I’ll make a really dope blog with pictures and shit to make up for the lack of vlogs. Sorry guys.

But here’s a short summary I guess

So hmmm

  • Belgium is fucking awesome. The whole town has the same look it had hundreds of years ago, everything is cobblestoned and there’s no clear distinction between the sidewalk and the street, so you kinda just have to fend for yourself.
  • Also, people in Belgium are awesome as well. Thanks again to Aurelie, Claudine, and Dominicke
  • Getting high isn’t for me. Joints fucking suck. Smoking sucks. I felt my lungs dying out.
  • However, if you do like to partake in weed, vaporizers are great. Like…no carcinogens and you get more out of it. I liked the vaporizer.
  • Edibles WILL fuck you up though. Holy shit. I took one(little chocolate piece), and I was fucking tripping from like 11pm till 4pm the next day.
  • But yeah. Getting high was nice and all, but it’s not for me. I’d rather be completely in control of my body and mind. It was a fun experiment though
  • FUCK the street peddlers in France lol. One guy grabbed my fucking wrist to try and sell me a bracelet. And then after I refused him, his friend was like,”You have a girlfriend? I’ll take her with me to Africa, how do you like that?” They’re fucking trying to get me arrested, I swear
  • Besides that though, like every single street in France has like a million crepe places. I fucking love crepes

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